I am an anthropologist who has stumbled onto a great find. A group of men are having a conversation at the table next to me and they are sitting around sharing and analyzing text messages they have received from girls. A man in a striped shirt is reading his texts out loud verbatim.
"I wasn't myself when I said that. I realize you are a great guy and I want you in my life."
His response? "I want you to leave me alone. Please stop texting me."
Then he reads, "Ok, but first I want to tell you one thing. I was just diagnosed as bipolar and I am starting some new meds today..."
The conversation is trailing off and I'm starting to feel like a snoop. But there is enough above to get to my point.
SOME THINGS SHOULD JUST NOT BE COMMUNICATED IN TEXT MESSAGES.
I am becoming more and more certain of this point as I stumble around in this new single life of mine. To think--I just learned how to text the summer of '07. Now I have sent thousands of messages including a few where I stuck my foot in my mouth, textually speaking, and have gotten pissed by off messages sent to me on my phone.
Texts work great for letting friends know where you are sitting at a ball game, for a quick reference to something funny or an inside joke, for an urgent, time-related message when it's inappropriate to use the phone.
They should not be used in dating situations.
I understand the temptation and have fallen prey to it myself. It's so easy to send a text. So impersonal. So harmless. "What are you doing?" or rather "What r u doing?" It starts a conversation without any chance of rejection, without having to worry about intruding on someone's life. You get a number--you send a text. It's like casting your line off the dock. You're not totally invested, but you're hopeful.
The problem is the waters become instantly murky if the texting is dating related. You pull in question and after question and while you want to throw them back, some of them are big ones that you have to keep. What did he mean? What is she really thinking? Is he kidding or joking? Why did I say that? Why did he say that? What the hell is going on here anyway?
I had an encounter with a guy a couple months ago and we ran into this texting dilemma. He would text; I would call. He would text; I tried to call. Eventually I started to text... and soon the communication fizzled out completely.
So- what did I learn? A relationship, even a pseudo-relationship, can't get off the ground if you can't make the occasional phone call. (Of course, this may be an oversimplification, but a good rule of thumb, in any case.)
I have learned the hard way about the no texting rule. I am embarrassed to admit that I have sent drunk texts, angry texts, and even texts "ending" friendships completely. Luckily the receiver of these texts was either a forgiving, true friend who accepted my apologies and laughed at my ridiculous behavior, or someone who probably wouldn't have stayed in my life for very long anyway.
Hence- a resolution: 2009--get on the line: text appropriately; live respectfully.
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