Army of One: A Single Girl Wages War on New Year's Eve

Ok- I told a friend of mine recently that I secretly was hoping that a Christmas miracle would happen on my street and my New Year's Eve dilemma would be solved. I would not be alone on New Year's. 

It hasn't quite worked out.

Here is the thing- there are just too many big days in December. Christmas, anniversary, New Year's Eve... it's ridiculous. And it makes me feel horribly alone. 

Last year I waged an attack on New Year's in a quiet, introspective, rah-rah-women sort of way. I flew to Florida, rented a convertible, made myself lobster and mussels, and sat on the beach writing intentions on shells and casting them out into the waves. It felt wonderful. It felt serene. It felt peaceful. I embraced being alone.

This year, after doing the alone thing for the past 17 months, I am tired of celebrating it. I have tried like hell to get out of town, a town where I am surrounded by my wonderful, but coupled friends, and I have tried to make plans to go to Kenya, Italy, L.A., and even North Carolina--all of my plans have fallen through. It looks like I will be the only single person in Minneapolis on New Year's Eve. Honestly, it kind of sucks. 

Here's the thing. I love being independent. I don't mind being alone. But there are days when it's rough. Today- the anniversary-of course is one. I've cried; I've written in my journal; I've reminisced about the poinsettias, white dress, and chocolate cake. And of course, my ex. BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT FOR NEW YEAR'S! I don't want to be sad. I don't want to reminisce. I don't want anyone's pity. I don't want a pity kiss on the cheek at midnight from a friend and her boyfriend. I don't want to awkwardly kiss the only single guy at a party thrown by my married friends.

I just want to put on my heels and a cute dress and be with someone I am excited to kiss.

Well- I can not control the part about being with someone else, if he's not excited to kiss me, there's just nothing I can do, but-- the soldier in me realizes I still can control what I wear. So this New Year's there will be no quiet reflection, no solo dinner, no prayers and intentions for 2009. No. There will be dancing and patent leather heels and there will be a cute dress. Maybe I will get stuck at a party where I am the only solo person, BUT- I will dress as I like. 

I will take myself out for New Year's Eve. 

I love a party. I love a celebration. I will not say goodbye to 2008 in the same way I welcomed him, quiet and alone. I will greet 2008 at the door with a passionate kiss, knock him to the floor, and step on his back in my shiny patent leather heels. 

Hello, 2009. You don't know what you're in for.